The impossible
I sneaked carefully head bent down, my eyes flitting to the back of his brown head. He walked calmly. So calmly for a psychotic murderer. Of course he knew I was tracking him. I wasn’t exactly the swiftest on my feet or the best ninja hider ever. He also knew that I knew about the black note book he held in his hand, scrawled white script across the front of it. The notebook that held my sister’s name.
My sister who was as of this moment six feet underground unless the zombie apocalypse had finally happened.
I glared at his oh so casual form, pulling the hood of my sweatshirt up higher to conceal my face better.
My sister was one of those FBI agents killed by Kira so long ago without a second thought but to hide his own spineless tail.
How I knew all of this, well that was a secret I preferred to keep to myself.
I walked as closely to him as I could without him getting too suspicious, following him mindlessly and stopping to look at a vendor’s trinkets while he stopped to talk to a blonde girl with a high annoying voice.
Soon the girl left, skipping away happily and exclaiming Light’s name far too loud, off to go complete some task of his. Probably killing someone else that had a family.
I tried to focus my attention on the dangling crystal in front of my face and he spun around and started to walk past me.
I should have known I wouldn’t get away with it, because as he walked past he grabbed my arm, forcing me to walk with him.
“You have been following me for the last few miles. Have I attainted yet another stalker?” He said, chuckling at his own joke laced with charm.
I crinkled my nose.”Don’t even try to be big Mr. charming. I know who you are. I know what you do. I know how you kill. And I think you best be letting go of my arm before I bite it off.” I snapped.
“Well, look who feels like she knows everything about me. I’m sorry miss but I do not know what you are talking about. I could not be Kira for my father is on the police task force and there is no possible way I would ever be able to murder someone, even if said person was a criminal.”
“I know who you are Light. Don’t even try to hide it.” I yanked my arm free, walking backwards for a few steps before spinning on my heel and walking away.
“You will die soon.” Light said, his voice eerie.
“Only if you know my name.” I called over my shoulder.
The picture of my sister smiled at me from the shelf, as if saying “You can do it!” My pencil tapped arithmetically against my chin, a chunk of my hair falling out of my ponytail and flopping into my face.
I had to turn away from the picture and look at something else.
There wasn’t much to see. Couch, coffee table, chairs, entrance to kitchen, beaten down TV, entrance to bedroom, laptop, desk, and a couple bare shelves minus the picture.
The famous L was supposed to meet me today at my house. I wonder why the big grand occasion of coming to see me instead of the opposite way around.
Probably because of the beautiful way I backed myself into a corner trying to get solid evidence against the devil’s child, Light. Which in simpler terms, he’s coming to help because I’m screwed.
There was a knock on my door and I bounced up to go get it.
Now when I imagined L, the great famous L, I imagine some old stickler in a suit. Instead I was surprised to find myself nose to nose with a boy about my age that had black hair and shadows under his eyes. He crouched oddly and pointed to the room that lay behind me.
“Come in!” I said a little too high pitched and cheery for someone with a death sentence hanging over her head.
“I understand you have information on the Kira case my team and I have been working so hard on.” L said, moving to one of my chairs and sitting with his feet propped up on the cushions. I cocked my head at the strange positions but continued at if it were normal for guests to sit like chimpanzees.
That was the first time I ever met L. Wow surprising. I know, someone as dumb and stupid as me met the sugar crazed boy so many fan girls adore to death.
Continuing on, he went through the motions, attempting to keep my identity safe for all purposes and to make sure I had a fight chance against Kira *coughcoughLightcoughcough* I was of no help to even try to explain the workings of the death note or how I obtained this information or even of the fact of how I came to be in this position.
I was just thankful that he didn’t ask.
Instead, thing of all things, he just simply asked me my name.
“Uh….. Ash.” I said, awkwardly, trying to find a comfortable position as he gave me a strange blank stare and somehow started to eat cake I didn’t know I had in my fridge.
He nodded. “Ash…. You no longer exist on paper or in any files.” He said simply. “I will make sure of it.”
I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. “Uh yeah….. Sorry you had to go through all these lengths. I’m not exactly the smartest girl ever but I try my hardest.”
“Sounds like Matsuda.” He murmured.
I raised an eyebrow and he just shook his head.
“So I’ll call you if I have any problems then?” I asked, standing up and heading for the fridge where the supposed cake mysteriously appeared from.
“No, actually.” He started, taking a bite and talking through his food. “We will be watching you carefully and you will have guards at all times. You are important to this investigation I’m sure of it.”
“But like I said, I’m not smart like you guys. I can’t do what you do.”
“You know what we’re looking for. That’s all we need.” He said inhaling his fork, well more likely the piece of cake on it.
That important to the investigation stuff……yeah that was a load of bullcrap I didn’t know at the time.
The investigation was going just fine; L just didn’t want to admit the strangeness going on that started as soon as I waltzed into his life with my stupidity.
Apparently I was more important to L than either of us knew. Investigation purposes or not.
I reached for a slice of cake, not getting so used to L’s presence about my apartment I didn’t care anymore whether I looked foolish or not.
“Shouldn’t you be going back to your team sometime?” I asked, considering L was always here with me, unless he absolutely positively had to go, then he’d leave Watari with me.
“My team is able to communicate with me through the laptop just fine.” He said, chewing his own piece of cake.
I rolled my eyes and tossed the strawberry into my mouth. “Or maybe you just have something important here and you’re not telling them.” I laughed. But see the problem when you laugh, talk with your mouth open, and try to breathe at the same time while eating; you end up inhaling giant strawberry chunks.
I grabbed my throat, choking on the bits of strawberry.
L was at my side at once, worry in his eyes as I crashed to the ground, trying to swallow and reach for the glass of water.
He grabbed it for me, pressing the glass against my lips, forcing me to drink.
I hiccupped, my choking fit ending, the strawberry well on its way to my stomach.
I looked up at L and was about to say thanks before I noticed something odd.
He was crouched protectively over me, his eyes filled with worry, fear, and something else I couldn’t quite place my finger on. One hand was on my shoulder, the other on my lower back, supporting me.
His hands felt like molten lava against my skin and I blushed, cheeks heating.
“Just a strawberry and my inability to chew.” I murmured.
He sighed, moving his hands from me. “Good. For a minute there…..I thought Kira might have gotten you.”
This was the first clue something was wonky with L.
There were more, I guess I should have picked up on those. Like how he looked away when I cracked lame jokes about me somehow dying stupidly before Kira could kill me. Or like how he was always watching me, watching the way I moved, the way I did something, the way I laughed, the way I talked, the way I ate. Like how he has no longer sent Watari even to guard over me.
Or perhaps like this:
I snored, yes for the record we can just plainly stat that I was passed out on my couch, a book lay across my chest and the couch provided minimal room for my usual thrashing.
The morning light cast evil orange across the back of my eyelids, waking me up from my deep sleep into never ever land.
I turned my head to the side, coming face to face with L who was sitting in a chair close to the couch, a finger hooked between his lips as his eyes stared at me ever attentively.
“What?” I asked nervously, scratching at my face with a numb hand. “Did I drool or something?”
“No, he murmured, still looking at me, that emotion I couldn’t quite place on his face.
“Why are you staring at me then?” I asked, tossing the book on the ground.
Hair fell into my face as I attempted to get up.
He moved so fast I almost didn’t see him until he was right before me, his fingers brushing the hair over my ear and tucking it there so it didn’t fall again.
I stared at him, wide eyed, my face probably a mask of stupidity and confusion.
“L?” I asked.
“Yes?” He asked, his eyes intent on my every move.
I didn’t realize how close our faces were together until I felt his lips pressed to mine.
I don’t know who started it, but it was nice and sweet and innocent and rough and bruising at the same time. I tasted sugar and frosting and strawberries and I smiled into the kiss, the feel of his arms wrapped around me like home all over again.
Like there was hope.
Like Kira never existed and my sister was still alive.
It was everything a kiss should be.
It was at that moment I think we both understood something. Hey we both had giant crushes on each other, why not test the passion and go out already.
Oh that’s right; we were both in danger of suffering from heart attacks.
So we lived together in my apartment for as long as my mental status would allow.
The feeling of being just around him like pure bliss, like happiness.
But happiness does not last forever.
No, not when you enemy has a death note.
L thought it was time we went out, saw the world beyond my four walls, if only for a day.
Of course we both looked pretty special, a crouching Genius and a girl who can’t seem to remember where she parked her car months ago.
I was just happy to be out. Out of my four walls and seeing the world again, seeing it through my own eyes and not the cruddy laptop and TV.
Of course it was better with L who was just happy to be with me and to see me happy.
I looked up to see a flash of blonde cross my path, the blonde girl smiling and waving, apologizing through typical sign as she passed before us.
The blonde girl that Light was with at that market so long ago.
“L I think I’ve seen her.” I whispered.
L looked around and shrugged. “Seen who?” He asked, his arms going protectively around me as if to ward off any attacks from dangerous pigeons. (Pretty much the only dangerous thing here at the moment)
I looked around and noticed she was gone. “Oh.” I whispered. “Oh, guess it was just a trick of my imagination. Sorry to have bothered you.” I whispered, leaning back into his embrace.
“It was no bother at all. I just want you safe and I want this case done with so I can have Kira’s head on a platter.”
I chuckled. “Always so vivid.”
I guess I was lucky. I should be happy it was L that was with me, that it was L that I saw. I don’t think it was as lucky for L, but at least he was there.
I knew it wasn’t a trick of my imagination.
I should have told L.
Perhaps this whole incident could have been avoided.
Perhaps my death wouldn’t have happened.
Oh who are we kidding?
I had stepped in the door for no more than a second before pain racked my whole body and became my being. It ate me alive, leaving me writhing and twitching at the blooming pain in my chest.
“Ash? ASH? What’s wrong?” L asked, frantic, his eyes clouded with worry and the unnamable emotion. He put me on his lap, trying to help me breath, trying to keep me seeing him and being here.
We were on the ground somehow, someway. I don’t know how we got there but the pain just kept coming, filling me up until I was no more than an empty shell of pain.
L held my hand, held me, rocked me, a tear sliding down his cheek as he tried desperately to keep me here.
I knew what the emotion was finally.
It was love.
That emotion in L’s eyes.
It was Love.
Love.
Love couldn’t make me stay in my body.
My sister who was as of this moment six feet underground unless the zombie apocalypse had finally happened.
I glared at his oh so casual form, pulling the hood of my sweatshirt up higher to conceal my face better.
My sister was one of those FBI agents killed by Kira so long ago without a second thought but to hide his own spineless tail.
How I knew all of this, well that was a secret I preferred to keep to myself.
I walked as closely to him as I could without him getting too suspicious, following him mindlessly and stopping to look at a vendor’s trinkets while he stopped to talk to a blonde girl with a high annoying voice.
Soon the girl left, skipping away happily and exclaiming Light’s name far too loud, off to go complete some task of his. Probably killing someone else that had a family.
I tried to focus my attention on the dangling crystal in front of my face and he spun around and started to walk past me.
I should have known I wouldn’t get away with it, because as he walked past he grabbed my arm, forcing me to walk with him.
“You have been following me for the last few miles. Have I attainted yet another stalker?” He said, chuckling at his own joke laced with charm.
I crinkled my nose.”Don’t even try to be big Mr. charming. I know who you are. I know what you do. I know how you kill. And I think you best be letting go of my arm before I bite it off.” I snapped.
“Well, look who feels like she knows everything about me. I’m sorry miss but I do not know what you are talking about. I could not be Kira for my father is on the police task force and there is no possible way I would ever be able to murder someone, even if said person was a criminal.”
“I know who you are Light. Don’t even try to hide it.” I yanked my arm free, walking backwards for a few steps before spinning on my heel and walking away.
“You will die soon.” Light said, his voice eerie.
“Only if you know my name.” I called over my shoulder.
The picture of my sister smiled at me from the shelf, as if saying “You can do it!” My pencil tapped arithmetically against my chin, a chunk of my hair falling out of my ponytail and flopping into my face.
I had to turn away from the picture and look at something else.
There wasn’t much to see. Couch, coffee table, chairs, entrance to kitchen, beaten down TV, entrance to bedroom, laptop, desk, and a couple bare shelves minus the picture.
The famous L was supposed to meet me today at my house. I wonder why the big grand occasion of coming to see me instead of the opposite way around.
Probably because of the beautiful way I backed myself into a corner trying to get solid evidence against the devil’s child, Light. Which in simpler terms, he’s coming to help because I’m screwed.
There was a knock on my door and I bounced up to go get it.
Now when I imagined L, the great famous L, I imagine some old stickler in a suit. Instead I was surprised to find myself nose to nose with a boy about my age that had black hair and shadows under his eyes. He crouched oddly and pointed to the room that lay behind me.
“Come in!” I said a little too high pitched and cheery for someone with a death sentence hanging over her head.
“I understand you have information on the Kira case my team and I have been working so hard on.” L said, moving to one of my chairs and sitting with his feet propped up on the cushions. I cocked my head at the strange positions but continued at if it were normal for guests to sit like chimpanzees.
That was the first time I ever met L. Wow surprising. I know, someone as dumb and stupid as me met the sugar crazed boy so many fan girls adore to death.
Continuing on, he went through the motions, attempting to keep my identity safe for all purposes and to make sure I had a fight chance against Kira *coughcoughLightcoughcough* I was of no help to even try to explain the workings of the death note or how I obtained this information or even of the fact of how I came to be in this position.
I was just thankful that he didn’t ask.
Instead, thing of all things, he just simply asked me my name.
“Uh….. Ash.” I said, awkwardly, trying to find a comfortable position as he gave me a strange blank stare and somehow started to eat cake I didn’t know I had in my fridge.
He nodded. “Ash…. You no longer exist on paper or in any files.” He said simply. “I will make sure of it.”
I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. “Uh yeah….. Sorry you had to go through all these lengths. I’m not exactly the smartest girl ever but I try my hardest.”
“Sounds like Matsuda.” He murmured.
I raised an eyebrow and he just shook his head.
“So I’ll call you if I have any problems then?” I asked, standing up and heading for the fridge where the supposed cake mysteriously appeared from.
“No, actually.” He started, taking a bite and talking through his food. “We will be watching you carefully and you will have guards at all times. You are important to this investigation I’m sure of it.”
“But like I said, I’m not smart like you guys. I can’t do what you do.”
“You know what we’re looking for. That’s all we need.” He said inhaling his fork, well more likely the piece of cake on it.
That important to the investigation stuff……yeah that was a load of bullcrap I didn’t know at the time.
The investigation was going just fine; L just didn’t want to admit the strangeness going on that started as soon as I waltzed into his life with my stupidity.
Apparently I was more important to L than either of us knew. Investigation purposes or not.
I reached for a slice of cake, not getting so used to L’s presence about my apartment I didn’t care anymore whether I looked foolish or not.
“Shouldn’t you be going back to your team sometime?” I asked, considering L was always here with me, unless he absolutely positively had to go, then he’d leave Watari with me.
“My team is able to communicate with me through the laptop just fine.” He said, chewing his own piece of cake.
I rolled my eyes and tossed the strawberry into my mouth. “Or maybe you just have something important here and you’re not telling them.” I laughed. But see the problem when you laugh, talk with your mouth open, and try to breathe at the same time while eating; you end up inhaling giant strawberry chunks.
I grabbed my throat, choking on the bits of strawberry.
L was at my side at once, worry in his eyes as I crashed to the ground, trying to swallow and reach for the glass of water.
He grabbed it for me, pressing the glass against my lips, forcing me to drink.
I hiccupped, my choking fit ending, the strawberry well on its way to my stomach.
I looked up at L and was about to say thanks before I noticed something odd.
He was crouched protectively over me, his eyes filled with worry, fear, and something else I couldn’t quite place my finger on. One hand was on my shoulder, the other on my lower back, supporting me.
His hands felt like molten lava against my skin and I blushed, cheeks heating.
“Just a strawberry and my inability to chew.” I murmured.
He sighed, moving his hands from me. “Good. For a minute there…..I thought Kira might have gotten you.”
This was the first clue something was wonky with L.
There were more, I guess I should have picked up on those. Like how he looked away when I cracked lame jokes about me somehow dying stupidly before Kira could kill me. Or like how he was always watching me, watching the way I moved, the way I did something, the way I laughed, the way I talked, the way I ate. Like how he has no longer sent Watari even to guard over me.
Or perhaps like this:
I snored, yes for the record we can just plainly stat that I was passed out on my couch, a book lay across my chest and the couch provided minimal room for my usual thrashing.
The morning light cast evil orange across the back of my eyelids, waking me up from my deep sleep into never ever land.
I turned my head to the side, coming face to face with L who was sitting in a chair close to the couch, a finger hooked between his lips as his eyes stared at me ever attentively.
“What?” I asked nervously, scratching at my face with a numb hand. “Did I drool or something?”
“No, he murmured, still looking at me, that emotion I couldn’t quite place on his face.
“Why are you staring at me then?” I asked, tossing the book on the ground.
Hair fell into my face as I attempted to get up.
He moved so fast I almost didn’t see him until he was right before me, his fingers brushing the hair over my ear and tucking it there so it didn’t fall again.
I stared at him, wide eyed, my face probably a mask of stupidity and confusion.
“L?” I asked.
“Yes?” He asked, his eyes intent on my every move.
I didn’t realize how close our faces were together until I felt his lips pressed to mine.
I don’t know who started it, but it was nice and sweet and innocent and rough and bruising at the same time. I tasted sugar and frosting and strawberries and I smiled into the kiss, the feel of his arms wrapped around me like home all over again.
Like there was hope.
Like Kira never existed and my sister was still alive.
It was everything a kiss should be.
It was at that moment I think we both understood something. Hey we both had giant crushes on each other, why not test the passion and go out already.
Oh that’s right; we were both in danger of suffering from heart attacks.
So we lived together in my apartment for as long as my mental status would allow.
The feeling of being just around him like pure bliss, like happiness.
But happiness does not last forever.
No, not when you enemy has a death note.
L thought it was time we went out, saw the world beyond my four walls, if only for a day.
Of course we both looked pretty special, a crouching Genius and a girl who can’t seem to remember where she parked her car months ago.
I was just happy to be out. Out of my four walls and seeing the world again, seeing it through my own eyes and not the cruddy laptop and TV.
Of course it was better with L who was just happy to be with me and to see me happy.
I looked up to see a flash of blonde cross my path, the blonde girl smiling and waving, apologizing through typical sign as she passed before us.
The blonde girl that Light was with at that market so long ago.
“L I think I’ve seen her.” I whispered.
L looked around and shrugged. “Seen who?” He asked, his arms going protectively around me as if to ward off any attacks from dangerous pigeons. (Pretty much the only dangerous thing here at the moment)
I looked around and noticed she was gone. “Oh.” I whispered. “Oh, guess it was just a trick of my imagination. Sorry to have bothered you.” I whispered, leaning back into his embrace.
“It was no bother at all. I just want you safe and I want this case done with so I can have Kira’s head on a platter.”
I chuckled. “Always so vivid.”
I guess I was lucky. I should be happy it was L that was with me, that it was L that I saw. I don’t think it was as lucky for L, but at least he was there.
I knew it wasn’t a trick of my imagination.
I should have told L.
Perhaps this whole incident could have been avoided.
Perhaps my death wouldn’t have happened.
Oh who are we kidding?
I had stepped in the door for no more than a second before pain racked my whole body and became my being. It ate me alive, leaving me writhing and twitching at the blooming pain in my chest.
“Ash? ASH? What’s wrong?” L asked, frantic, his eyes clouded with worry and the unnamable emotion. He put me on his lap, trying to help me breath, trying to keep me seeing him and being here.
We were on the ground somehow, someway. I don’t know how we got there but the pain just kept coming, filling me up until I was no more than an empty shell of pain.
L held my hand, held me, rocked me, a tear sliding down his cheek as he tried desperately to keep me here.
I knew what the emotion was finally.
It was love.
That emotion in L’s eyes.
It was Love.
Love.
Love couldn’t make me stay in my body.